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Paul is eleven years old. He comes from a single parent home. His father left the family when Paul was four years old. His father drank often and came home late at night. Paul’s mother didn’t think that his father’s behaviors had much effect on Paul, since he left when Paul was so young. However, lately Paul has seemed to be in a bad mood. He draws hurtful pictures of his sister and mother and spends more and more time in his room alone.
One day Paul’s mother gets a call from the school. It is the counselor and she seems to be upset. She wants Carol, Paul’s mother, to come to the school as quickly as possible for a meeting. Concerned Carol takes off work early which she rarely does, since she is trying hard to work two jobs in order to make ends meet. Upon arrival, she learns that Paul has been getting into trouble at recess. He has been asked to sit out of P.E. three times this week for his behavior. Today, at recess Paul was seen hitting another child. The child was Emma, a 7 year old girl, whom Paul did not even know. Outraged, Carol asked to speak with Paul.
The counselor insisted that she ask her some questions before she was able to see Paul. The counselor asked Carol if she had been noticing any unusual behaviors at home. Carol told the counselor about her concerns and about the pictures. She did not mention Paul’s father, since it had been a very long time ago and Carol was ashamed of the situation.
The counselor noticed that Carol was upset that Paul had gotten into trouble. Carol lashed out at the counselor and asked her if the school didn’t have any control over these children. The counselor assured Carol that the problems can stem from any number of factors and that she should try and find out the source of the problem before they tried to solve it.
The counselor did a role-play with Carol. They acted out what would happen when she talked to Paul about the incident. This allowed Carol to calm down before she talked to Paul as well as to prepare for his likely reactions. The counselor told Carol to be prepared fro Paul to possibly be angry and to also be prepared for him to deny the behavior or even blame it on someone else.
The counselor stressed the importance of asking Paul why that he was doing this but also how it was equally important to convey that she was on his side. She could do this by asking him what she can do to help, or if there was someone picking on him. She could also ask him if it was something that she had done that had caused him to be upset.
When Carol finally talked to Paul, she learned a lot about her son. He told her that he had questions about his father and that some kids had been teasing him about being a “moma’s boy”. While Carol explained that there are other ways of handling these situations, she also told him that she was glad that he was able to tell her about these things.
They talked about Paul’s father on the way home that day. They talked about a lot of things. They even talked about the boys who were giving Paul a hard time and devised strategies to deal with the situation the next time it happens.
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Bully Solutions
