Following A Pattern – Bullies As Adults

Studies also show that children identified by others as bullies also tend to fare worse in adulthood than children who are neither bullied nor bullies.

Several studies have shown a definite link between bullying behavior in children and substance abuse in adulthood. In two large scale, long-term studies and one smaller one, researchers reported:

1.  

   • 60% of boys described as bullies in middle school had been convicted of at least one crime by age 24

   • 35-40% of boys described as bullies had three or more criminal convictions by their mid-twenties

   • Only 23% of boys not described as bullies had one criminal conviction at age 24¹

   • Boys who bullied had a 1 in 4 chance of being criminals by age 30 as opposed to a 1 in 20 chance for boys who were not bullies as children

   • Boys who were bullies are more likely to be aggressive toward their wives and children

   • Boys who were bullies are more likely to have children who are aggressive toward others.²

   • 31 of 50 boys and girls identified as bullies had 162 convictions between them – 36 for crimes that involved violence. By contrast, in a control group of 50 students not identified as bullies, only 17 were convicted of a crime, and of the crimes reported, only 4 involved violence.

For the perpetrator, bullying is a doorway that opens suppressed anger and releases it upon innocent victims. As the bully becomes older, this familiar way of inappropriately expressing their anger begins to take on even greater negative tones.

Behavior such as vandalizing property, stealing, and dropping out of school can eventually lead to violent criminal activity in those who bully.³

Living With Guilt – Bystanders Remember

While most research on bullying has focused on bullies and their victims, there is a third category of those affected by bullying – those who witness it.

Research has shown that even those who do not actively engage in bullying or become victims of it are often affected by it. Researchers report that bystanders and witnesses often

• Are afraid of associating with the victims of bullying because they fear that they will become victims themselves

• Avoid reporting incidents of bullying so as not to be considered tattlers or snitches

• Feel guilty for not standing up to the bullies and protecting the weaker victim

• Are drawn into joining the bullying by peer pressure

• Feel unsafe both at school and in other social institutions

Many still carry with them the guilt of having stood by and the shame of not having been brave enough to stand up to the bullies. Among the shared memories on the board at DooYoo is at least one open apology to a girl who’d been bullied from a girl who’d stood by and let it happen. Bystanders know that their silence is complicity; that by standing by and saying nothing, they empower the bully to go on hurting others.

Dealing With Lingering Effects

One of the most disheartening side effects of the current spate of research and attention on bullying and its effects is that few resources offer advice on dealing with those lingering effects that bullying has on those that were part of it.

There’s a subtle suggestion that the damage is done, and there’s nothing that can be done to undo it. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, empowering yourself to step beyond those effects and live your life fully is among the best ways to empower all victims.