Helping a Bully

Helping a bully may seem to be low on the list of ways to address bullying problems, but research shows that it’s vital to address bullying behavior and teach a bully more appropriate ways to interact with peers.

Bullying is violence, and it leads to more violent and antisocial behavior as the bully reaches adulthood. According to at least one study, 1 out of four elementary school bullies have a criminal record by the time they’re thirty. Bullies often grow up to abuse their spouses and children, may have problems holding jobs because of their outbursts and may find themselves with few friends.

In fact, by the time they reach high school, many bullies have slipped in the esteem of their classmates and are disliked by the majority of their peers, putting them at risk of the same problems that their victims face.

Start by examining the home atmosphere. A child who is teased and taunted by a sibling, for example, may model the same behavior outside the home. If there is bullying going on in your family, it is important for you to become aware of it, and how you deal with it. It’s never too late to learn to deal effectively with bullying among siblings or within a family relationship.

More often than not, when you change your reaction to bullying behavior at home, it will also curtail bullying behavior outside the home.

• Besides keeping the atmosphere at home positive and loving without being too permissive, there are a number of steps you can take to help reduce bullying.

• Make it clear that you consider the bullying serious. State and enforce consequences for bullying behavior. If your child used the computer to bully another, take it away from him for a period of time. If he is bullying on the way home from school, pick him up directly after school and confine him to the house. You can require your child to do community service with those less fortunate to try to instill a sense of compassion.

• Teach your child to respect the differences of others. Make it clear that everyone has rights and feelings, and their differences are cause for celebration, not denigration.

• Find out if your child’s friends are also bullying. If so, speak with your child’s school about ways to coordinate intervention for the entire group.

• Intervene to stop bullying as soon as you see it. There is no clearer way to let a child know that the behavior is unacceptable than to step in and stop it.

• Use positive reinforcement. When you see your child interacting in a positive manner, let him or her know that you’re pleased and proud to see them learning how to handle things without aggression.

• Take advantage of the expertise of school and guidance staff. Ask for advice, and keep in close touch so that you are informed about what is going on with your child at school.

• Don’t expect immediate miracles. It will take time for your child to learn new behaviors, but by being consistent and firm, you can help him turn his behavior around.