Recognizing a Bully

If our traditional perceptions of bullies are no longer valid, if it’s true – and research says that it is – that many bullies are popular and well-liked by both children and adults, how do we recognize a bully?

The obvious answer is – by their behavior and their effect on others around them. According to research, bullies share a number of characteristics. One study asked teachers and professionals to identify characteristics of bullies. The result was a list of 19 characteristics that they felt made it easy to recognize a bully.

• Use threats and physical actions to control others

• Will get angry more quickly and use force sooner than other children

• Lack empathy for others, particularly others who are bullied

• Repeat their behaviors time and again

• Perceive threat and hostility in innocuous contacts

• Are angry, revengeful

• Are more likely to have family problems

• Have parents who are poor role models for getting along with others

• Have parents who are not good role models for solving problems constructively

• Have parents who discipline inconsistently

• Have parents who often don’t know where they are

• Suffer physical and emotional abuse at home

• Have regular contact with aggressive people or groups

• See only aggression as a way to preserve their self-image

• Think it is important to maintain their physical/social image

• Focus on angry thoughts

• Frustrate their peers

• Exhibit obsessive or rigid actions

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In her book, The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander, Barbara Coloroso identifies 7 types of bullies. Each of these may fit some or all of the above characteristics.

1)  Confident Bully 

Best personified by the character Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter series, the confident bully is sure of himself and has a big, though not necessarily a strong ego. He has a strong sense of entitlement and believes that those he bullies deserve his treatment.

2)       Social bully

The social bully uses rumors and gossip, shunning, verbal taunts to bully others. He or she can seem caring, but often is manipulating others to get his or her way.

3)       Fully Armored bully 

Cool and detached, the fully armored bully can be vicious and vindictive toward his target, but charming to others. These are often children who are borderline sociopaths – all that matters is what they want.

4)     Hyperactive

The hyperactive bully is the child who has a real social problem. He may not pick up on social cues, and pesters others. He or she is easily angered and often reads in hostile intent to actions that weren’t meant to be hostile.

5)     Bullied  

Bullied by others, the child may turn to bullying others who are weaker than he is.

6)     Bunch of bullies

A group of kids who are basically ‘nice kids’ who would never taunt or victimize another on their own, but collectively get caught up in teasing or making fun of another. They know that it’s wrong, and that it hurts the victim, but may justify it with insistence that the victim brought it on him or herself.

7)  Gang of Bullies 

A gang of bullies work together to hold power over the school. They see it as their ‘turf’, and will often do anything to remain part of the group, including endangering their own lives.

Each of these types of bullies share common traits – they believe that they have a right to behave as they do. They blame the victim for his own victimization. They often believe that they are above the rules or are special in some way, and they have little or no empathy for others.