Risk Factors While all bullies display different behaviors and characteristics, most bullies fit within a generalized profile that exhibits their lust for dominance and acceptance of violence. Bullies tend to be either loners or in a clique that encourages this unacceptable behavior. Generally, if a bully is in a clique, the other members of the clique will be participating in the same unsafe, unacceptable, and harmful behavior.
Common Risk Factors May Include:
Early maternal rejection; Separation from parents, without an adequate alternative caregiver; Early institutionalization; Family neglect; Abuse or violence; Parental mental illness; Parental marital discord;
Large family size; Overly permissive parenting (including a lack of limits for children's behavior); A lack of supervision by parents; A lack of warmth and involvement on the part of parents; Crowding; and Poverty.
Peter Zettergren, registered psychologist, stated that “For many bullies, the activity is part of a rule-breaking and anti-social behavior pattern which later leads to other disorders in the forms of criminal activity and alcoholism” and that “Bullies, as a rule, have more aggressive attitudes towards their social surroundings and a positive attitude about violence. “
Warning Signs The first obstacle to stopping this abusive, harmful, and unacceptable behavior is to recognize the common characteristics associated with bullying behavior. At times, the bully may be so versed at manipulation, that no signs are present at all.
A Bully Often:
Seeks to dominate and/or manipulate others. Enjoys feeling powerful and in control (whether real or not) Is both a poor winner (boastful and arrogant) and a poor loser Seems to derive satisfaction from other’s fears, discomfort, or pain Is good at hiding behaviors or doing them where adults can’t notice Is excited by conflicts between others Blames others for his/her problems Displays uncontrolled anger Has a history of discipline problems Displays a pattern of impulsive and chronic hitting, intimidating, and aggressive behaviors Has difficulty in following rules Has a history of violent and aggressive behaviors Displays intolerance and prejudice towards others May use drugs, alcohol or be a member of a gang Lacks empathy towards others.
Many children and teens have one or two of the above warning signs. It doesn’t mean that they are a bully. The warning signs are just that – a signal that the potential exists for the child to be a bully. The more warning signs that exist, however, the higher the likelihood of a child engaging in bullying behavior.
Below is a simple questionnaire that will ask a series of yes or no questions to assist you in deciding if you or someone you love is a bully.
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| | Questions to Ask | Y | N | | 1 | Have you ever punched, shoved, or hit another person? | | | | 2 | Have you ever threatened to hurt someone? | | | | 3 | Have you ever made mean faces or bad hand signs to others? | | | | 4 | Have you ever spread a rumor, or said mean things about another person behind his or her back? | | | | 5 | Have you ever made fun of or teased other teens or called them names? | | | | 6 | Have you ever whispered secrets to a friend in front of another person and not shared the secret with him or her on purpose? | | | | 7 | Have you ever purposely not invited someone to hang out with you and your friends? | | | | 8 | Have you ever been part of a clique that is exclusive about whom you can and cannot be friends with and has not let others be part of the clique? | | | | 9 | Have you ever made fun of someone because they were “different” from you or your friends? (Example: they had glasses, ugly clothes, bad hair, or a different race/ethnicity or religion). | | | | 10 | Have you hazed another member of your sports team? | | |
If you checked any of these boxes, you're not alone. All over the country, in all types of neighborhoods and schools, there are all types of young people who bully others. Bullying is serious business. It causes young people a lot of pain, and it can affect their ability to do well in school and their general happiness.
What You Can Do An important fact to remember when you suspect or discover someone you care for may be a bully, is that you can help that individual change the behavior. The first step is to talk to the bully. The bully needs to be informed firmly that their behavior is unacceptable. No excuses. Bullying is not allowed. Explain to the bully why such behaviors are not acceptable. Be strict. Set consequences for bullying behavior, and tell the bully the penalties that will be enforced should this behavior continue. Most importantly, stick with the penalties should the bully again display this unacceptable behavior.
It may prove beneficial to find a therapist or counselor. A therapist can discuss issues with the bully and the bully’s family to discover what the underlying cause of the unacceptable behavior is, ways to heal the cause of the unacceptable behavior, how to make amends for the hurt causes by the unacceptable behavior, and what acceptable behavior is. A therapist can aide the bully in discovering a more productive and positive way to express anger and hostility.
Children learn from example. If you are a parent, remember these simple steps to help prevent your child from becoming a bully.
Present yourself as a model of non-violent behavior. Clearly state that violence is not acceptable. Assist your child in finding non-violent strategies for anger management and conflict resolution.
Seek help from mental health/school counselors to help stop bullying and aggressive behavior. Talk with your child. Give your child your undivided attention when they are talking to you. Know your child’s friends, routines, habits, likes, dislikes, and wants. If you make a rule, enforce the rule with strict, consistent penalties.
One of the most important things that you can do for any child is to learn to listen to what they are saying. In reading comments and stories from children, in talking to children who are bullied or witness bullying, in speaking with the bullies themselves, one statement is made with heart-breaking regularity:
“The grownups don’t care. It happens right in front of them and they don’t do anything.”
It’s difficult to believe that there are millions of adults turning their backs on children being bullied. Far more likely, the adults are not hearing and interpreting what they are being told.
They're talking...are you listening? No topic is too small for a discussion with your kids. Learn how to "listen between the lines," don't interrupt, and make sure you set aside the time to talk. Listening to others is a sign of respect - one of the most important values we can give our children. As parents and teachers, we demand their respect, but how often is that respect reciprocated?
Why Should I Care? Every seven seconds, a child is bullied. Three children out of every four report having been bullied at least once in their lives. One child in every four reports being bullied frequently. One child in every four admits to bullying others regularly. One of those children could be your son, daughter, niece, nephew, student, friend, little brother or sister.
According to many research papers, surveys and studies:
1. Many children are involved in bullying, and most are extremely concerned about it.
Studies show that between 15-25% of U.S. students are bullied with some frequency ("sometimes or more often") while 15-20% admit that they bully others with some frequency. Not only is bullying prevalent, but children and youth report being extremely concerned about it. In a 2003 Harris poll of 8-17 year-old girls, commissioned by the Girl Scouts of the USA, bullying topped girls' list of concerns regarding their safety. When asked what they worried about the most, the most common response was being socially ostracized-being teased or made fun of. [Feeling Safe: What Girls Say by Judy Schoenberg, Ed.M., Toija Riggins, Ph.D., and Kimberlee Salmond, M.P.P. (New York, N.Y.: Girl Scouts of the USA, 2003). 114 pp. (Executive Summary, 23 pp.)]
2. Bullying can seriously affect the mental health, academic work, and physical health of children who are targeted.
Children who are bullied are more likely than other children to have lower self-esteem; higher rates of depression, loneliness, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. They also are more likely to want to avoid attending school and have higher school absenteeism rates. Recent research on the health-related effects of bullying indicates that victims of frequent bullying are more likely to experience headaches, sleeping problems, and stomach ailments. Some emotional scars can be long-lasting. Research suggests that adults who were bullied as children are more likely than their non-bullied peers to be depressed and have low self-esteem as adults.
3. Children who bully are more likely than other children to be engaged in other antisocial, violent, or troubling behavior. Findings from research in the U.S. and abroad indicate that children who bully are more likely to:
get into frequent fights; be injured in a fight; steal, vandalize property; drink alcohol; smoke; be truant, drop out of school; report poorer academic achievement; perceive a negative climate at school; and carry a weapon.
4. Bullying can negatively affect children who observe bullying going on around them–even if they aren't targeted themselves.
Children who are bystanders to bullying can feel fearful ("Maybe I'll be targeted next!"), guilty ("I should do something to stop this, but I'm afraid to."), and distracted from school work. Bullying can contribute to a negative social climate at school.
5. Bullying is a form of victimization or abuse, and it is wrong. Children should be able to attend school or take part in community activities without fear of being harassed, assaulted, belittled, or excluded.
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Bully Solutions
