Overview “Boys will be boys. They fight with each other. That’s just how they are.”
That sums up the opinion that many parents and teachers still have about bullying among boys. Unfortunately, the truth is far darker than that. Bullying is not just ‘boys fighting with each other’. It is a serious problem in which one child is consistently physically, emotionally and socially assaulted by one or more other children, and the results can be lifelong problems with depression, anxiety, fear and self esteem. In the shorter term, a boy being bullied may:
become withdrawn lose self-esteem skip school to avoid bullies become aggressive with other students do poorly with schoolwork exhibit sleep disturbances like nightmares lose their appetite lose weight become depressed attempt to harm themselves attempt suicide retaliate against the bullies with extreme force
It is the last of those that has raised awareness of the effects that bullying have on children who are constant or frequent victims of bullies. While the name Columbine is forever linked in the national consciousness with the most extreme effects of bullying, there are dozens of other reports of children, some as young as 6 years old, who bring a weapon to school with the intent of making the bullies stop hurting them.
The popular image of boys who bully is one that is long due for an overhaul. Dan Olweus, a professor at Norway’s University of Bergen is one of the world’s leading authorities on bullying. He has been studying bullying and its effects for over thirty years. His studies and research have formed the basis of most anti-bullying and bullying awareness programs used in schools and businesses worldwide. Part of his work has focused on identifying characteristics of bullies.
The popular image of the bully is a loner who feels powerless and lack self esteem, thus turns to bullying those weaker than himself in order to feel better about himself. On the contrary, Olweus says, most bullies have average or above average self-esteem. In fact, says Olweus, that misconception is only one of the misconceptions that exist about bullying in general, and boys bullying in particular. He makes the following points based on research:
Bullies do not lack self esteem. In fact, most believe themselves to be superior to their victims. Bullies are not looking for attention. They are reinforcing their power by bullying those smaller and weaker. Bullies are not unpopular loners. Boys who bully, particularly beyond the elementary school years, are often popular with both students and teachers. While some studies state that boys are more likely to bully than girls, those statistics may be skewed by perceptions and definitions of bullying. Boys and girls are both more likely to state that their targets deserve their treatment, but more boys than girls admit to bullying to get money or things, or to show off for others. Boys who bully are more likely to use physical aggression than girls. While boys may seem to bully less after the 4th to 8th grade, research suggests that they turn to more subtle tactics that include taunting, teasing and social exclusion.
How Boys Bully Perhaps not surprisingly, there are some major differences between the way that boys bully and the way that girls bully. To say, as some researchers have, that boys are more physical and girls are more verbal may be an oversimplification. While it’s true that even at the youngest ages boys are more likely to hit than girls, there’s more to the difference than a greater amount of physical aggression. Overall, bullying as practiced by boys tends to be far more direct and overt than bullying by girls.
Statistics show that: Boys engage in physical aggression such as kicking, hitting, pushing, shoving, and verbal aggression like name-calling and making fun of kids more than girls do Many boys who bully are ‘hotheads’. They are more likely to react with hostility and violence to triggers than children who don’t bully. Boys do not outgrow bullying behaviors. By age 24, 60% of those boys identified as bullies in middle school have committed at least one serious crime. By 8th grade, many boys abandon physical aggression in favor of verbal bullying – but their behavior is still more overtly aggressive than that of girls the same age. They are far more likely to use open name-calling and threats of violence to bully than are girls. Boys bully both girls and boys, as opposed to girls, who generally bully other girls. The reasons that boys bully differ from the reasons that girls bully. One researcher summarized it as, “Boys bully to acquire a reputation.” Boys are more likely than girls to use bullying to acquire things – money or other material objects.
Why Boys Bully To repeat one of the points from the section above – many boys bully to acquire a reputation. Boys are taught that being masculine is about being tough, smart, funny and popular. Take a look at some of the ways that we, as a society, encourage boys to bully.
In popular movies, television shows and books, name calling and putdowns are an accepted way of gaining status. When a popular sitcom character makes a wisecrack or a putdown, he is rewarded with laughter and applause. Says Michael Thompson, co-author of Best Friends, Worst Enemies, “Being able to insult someone is a developmental achievement.” Kids who are adept at social bullying reap the rewards of being seen as popular and cool. Especially in lower grades, girls are more likely to identify bullies as the more attractive boys.
Other reasons that boys bully include: Being different in any way is enough to mark someone as a victim with boys. They bully those that are different to assert their power and authority, and to separate themselves further from things that are seen as undesirable traits. Studies have shown that many bullies have no control over their own anger. These boys are the ones who see aggression in accidental touches and curious looks, and react with aggression. Boys may retaliate against someone who has put them down or made them feel foolish with a campaign of bullying where the rule is ‘make it worse than he made it for me’. Bullies are often from homes where there is bullying in the family, or where parents are ineffectual disciplinarians. Some children bully because they don’t know of other ways to seek attention, or don’t understand positive methods of interacting with others. Interestingly, this is also a key characteristic of children who are often bullied. The best defense is a strong offense. Some boys bully as a way to deflect anyone who might think of attacking them. Boys bully to ‘win’ points with their friends and peers. The Code of the Playground is one that most teachers know, at least as far as the part that says ‘don’t snitch’. Another part of that code is to uphold the status quo. In some cases, that means being mean to the people your friends are mean to and joining in the bullying. Many bullies report that they pick on others because ‘it’s fun’. Wielding power over another person is a powerful reinforcement for bullying behaviors. Being able to make another child cry, cringe or run away is entertaining, both for the bullies, and too often, for onlookers.
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Bully Solutions
